Monday 2 May 2022:

It’s been a long time since I wrote a ‘reflection posts’… but I thought do so, just as something of a diary note (because I end up forgetting key details of stuff!).
Moira’s been struggling a little after going down with Covid.
I think she first tested positive on 7 April and didn’t test negative for 13 days (20 April). Although her symptoms weren’t severe, it was something of a debilitating experience – headaches, tiredness, aching limbs etc. She self-isolated at home accordingly. Even after ‘recovering’ (over the next week or so), she lacked energy and on the few occasions she ventured out (eg, the pharmacy and Wilko’s), it left her exhausted… and would often ‘go for lie down’ to recover.
At various stages recently, she’s been struggling with her sciatica, hip and knee pain and, clearly, this hasn’t helped her recovery.
She’s never been one for lots of exercise(?), but it’s a shame that she contracted Covid after having enjoyed walking around the harbour (complete circuit) twice within a couple of days… and felt ‘good’ about having done this.
Over recent days, she and I have taken very short walks to the harbour (home-Capricorn Quay-Broken Dock-cathedral-home)(the length of the walks being restricted at her request). She’s never been a fast walker (slight understatement!) but, in recent days, she’s been walking very slowly.
Her situation hasn’t been helped by a slight delay in getting her medications from the pharmacy (and she’s been somewhat anxious about relapsing back into depression).
 
All of this comes at a time before her hospital appointment on Friday 6 May with Southmead’s “Parkinson’s service”. She had an appointment at Southmead a year ago (21 May 2021)(she’d been having jaw-wobbling symptoms for some 3 months). At that time, the consultant reported that he “did not have clinic evidence to support any neuro-degenerative condition at present” and that they would reassess in 9-12 months. Over the past year, she has developed quite severe shaking in her right arm (and occasionally her left arm too)(she still has the wobbly chin). The forthcoming appointment was made after she’d emailed the consultant updating on her condition.
Moira is convinced that she has the first signs of Parkinson’s Disease (and I agree with her)… and so, quite naturally, is anxious to know the outcome of the forthcoming hospital appointment… and, if confirmed, to know the implications (medications, timescale, physical and mental implications, advice, exercise etc). At the same time, there are moments when she’s convinced that the consultant will want to continue monitoring before making any prognosis.
 
All of this has made me reflect on Moira and my respective thoughts about ‘growing old(er)’. I’ve always been a “I only want to live as long as I have a certain quality of life”, whereas Moira wants to live as long as possible (and see her grandchildren flourish, have partners, careers etc). Still ‘having each other’ over the past two or so pandemic years has been really important for both of us.
Given Moira’s possible Parkinson’s condition, it’s made me re-think matters. I suddenly realise that I NEED to be here to support Moira through what we anticipate as being a pretty debilitating and difficult time. We don’t really know what these years may bring and how quickly any deterioration might happen etc… but the idea of Moira having to live through it all on her own (or even living with/supported by daughters etc) is really, really hard to imagine.
Growing old can be pretty rubbish!
In the meantime, we need to appreciate very moment. x