Friday 8 September 2023

It’s been an awful long time since I wrote anything on this blog (some 15 months). I’ve scribbled the odd ‘reflective note’ (and even some prose – although never very successfully) in various notebooks.
I’ve just started reading Jonathan Coe’s book ‘Bourneville’ (published in 2022)… a novel arising from his own childhood growing up in ‘the Midlands’ (and including references to his mother Mary, born in 1934) and the life we’ve lived over the past 75 years… including such things as “the coronation and the World Cup final, royal weddings and royal funerals, Brexit and Covid19”.
In my own 75^th year, I’ve become far more aware of my own mortality(!). Although I still enjoy good health, my body has started to ‘wear out’… I need another hip replacement (I now walk with a stick and my mileage has become severely reduced); my hearing and sight reflect my old age (I now have 3-monthly glaucoma eye checks); I need to wear ‘medical stockings’ all the time to reduce problems associated with varicose veins and the like; my hands shake on occasions; my teeth are falling out.
My world has definitely shrunk. I no longer drive (although I still have a licence, I took a decision to stop driving some 6 months ago)… I depend of public transport to get around (coupled with my frustrations of not being able to walk any real distances). I’ve become quite anxious wherever travelling is concerned (not helped by numerous rail strike days and cancelled trains – resulting in being unable to reserve seats etc)… having to depend on timetables and arriving in good time! I currently don’t have a passport and I no longer yearn to travel abroad or embark on exciting adventures. Basically, I’ve become very boring.
Very unusually, I’m also finding myself comparing our lifestyle (and sense of adventure) with some of our friends/family… for instance: Alan+Lesley taking perhaps 7 holidays a year (perhaps 2 or 3 of which are abroad); Robin+Sue spending perhaps a third of their lives in Spain (and, when home, gallivanting around the country); Dave+Sarah recently returned from Oberammergau Passion Play in Germany and are currently in Italy on a pilgrimage.
On top of this, I’m still in a spiritual wilderness (which has perhaps been the case for the past 3-4 years?) – so much so that, last November, I decided to take an indefinite sabbatical from attending church services while I endeavour to wait for this period to pass. 10 months on, nothing really has changed (I’ve been one afternoon ‘service’ at Saint Stephen’s… which certainly didn’t inspire me).
The fact is… that I’m a quite boring person! My adventures seem to be limited to: reading, bookgroup, sketching, cinema, urban sketchers and Blokes!
 
All this, of course, goes alongside Moira’s much more serious predicament of endeavouring to cope with her Parkinson’s Disease… and all the uncertainty it throws up when it comes to planning for the future. At present, she’s in pretty good health… her walking is good and she’s in contact with her excellent PD nurse, but her energy levels are low and she needs to spend most afternoons lying down or sleeping. Her medication has made a tremendous difference, BUT (in conjunction with PD nurse) some changes have been suggested to try to provide her with better nights. The PD nurse’s letter was sent to Bedminster Family Practice some 5 weeks ago requesting specific changes to the medication but, despite two telephone calls to the Practice, nothing has changed. To make it even more frustrating is the fact that she’s been allocated Dr Sam Parker as her link GP as far as her PD is concerned… she’s never met him (or vice versa). On top of that, M’s PD consultants have STILL not been in touch. She met them in May22 and they told her then that “we see her in the clinic in 3-4 months’ time”… it’s now been 16 months (the PD nurse wrote reminding them 5 weeks ago – but still nothing).

Monday 2 May 2022:

It’s been a long time since I wrote a ‘reflection posts’… but I thought do so, just as something of a diary note (because I end up forgetting key details of stuff!).
Moira’s been struggling a little after going down with Covid.
I think she first tested positive on 7 April and didn’t test negative for 13 days (20 April). Although her symptoms weren’t severe, it was something of a debilitating experience – headaches, tiredness, aching limbs etc. She self-isolated at home accordingly. Even after ‘recovering’ (over the next week or so), she lacked energy and on the few occasions she ventured out (eg, the pharmacy and Wilko’s), it left her exhausted… and would often ‘go for lie down’ to recover.
At various stages recently, she’s been struggling with her sciatica, hip and knee pain and, clearly, this hasn’t helped her recovery.
She’s never been one for lots of exercise(?), but it’s a shame that she contracted Covid after having enjoyed walking around the harbour (complete circuit) twice within a couple of days… and felt ‘good’ about having done this.
Over recent days, she and I have taken very short walks to the harbour (home-Capricorn Quay-Broken Dock-cathedral-home)(the length of the walks being restricted at her request). She’s never been a fast walker (slight understatement!) but, in recent days, she’s been walking very slowly.
Her situation hasn’t been helped by a slight delay in getting her medications from the pharmacy (and she’s been somewhat anxious about relapsing back into depression).
 
All of this comes at a time before her hospital appointment on Friday 6 May with Southmead’s “Parkinson’s service”. She had an appointment at Southmead a year ago (21 May 2021)(she’d been having jaw-wobbling symptoms for some 3 months). At that time, the consultant reported that he “did not have clinic evidence to support any neuro-degenerative condition at present” and that they would reassess in 9-12 months. Over the past year, she has developed quite severe shaking in her right arm (and occasionally her left arm too)(she still has the wobbly chin). The forthcoming appointment was made after she’d emailed the consultant updating on her condition.
Moira is convinced that she has the first signs of Parkinson’s Disease (and I agree with her)… and so, quite naturally, is anxious to know the outcome of the forthcoming hospital appointment… and, if confirmed, to know the implications (medications, timescale, physical and mental implications, advice, exercise etc). At the same time, there are moments when she’s convinced that the consultant will want to continue monitoring before making any prognosis.
 
All of this has made me reflect on Moira and my respective thoughts about ‘growing old(er)’. I’ve always been a “I only want to live as long as I have a certain quality of life”, whereas Moira wants to live as long as possible (and see her grandchildren flourish, have partners, careers etc). Still ‘having each other’ over the past two or so pandemic years has been really important for both of us.
Given Moira’s possible Parkinson’s condition, it’s made me re-think matters. I suddenly realise that I NEED to be here to support Moira through what we anticipate as being a pretty debilitating and difficult time. We don’t really know what these years may bring and how quickly any deterioration might happen etc… but the idea of Moira having to live through it all on her own (or even living with/supported by daughters etc) is really, really hard to imagine.
Growing old can be pretty rubbish!
In the meantime, we need to appreciate very moment. x

Saturday 8 January 2022:

This will be a bit of a strange blogpost.
Yesterday, walking to Welsh Back, I felt decidedly ‘weird’ (physically)… quite weak and struggling to walk normally… walking slowly and gingerly… not exactly breathless, but certainly not feeling ‘right’. I gradually improved and, by the time I returned to the apartment, I felt ‘ok’ (not brilliant, but ok). It all felt slightly scary.
Then, this morning, I walked to the local Co-op to fetch the newspaper and, walking home, again felt similarly ‘weird’… and slightly shaky and not exactly breathless, but with a strange sensation high up, level with sternum (no actual pain)... maybe something like fluttering breaths? Took it easy for the rest of the day and no further issues… but just thought I’d write down the experiences for possible future reference.
But the experience has made me feel strangely vulnerable and that I’m not going to live forever… and maybe not even to the end of 2022!

Saturday 1 January 2022:

It’s been something like 10 weeks since I last wrote a reflection (and I’ve also just decided to stop writing a daily diary). Now that the Christmas and New Year festivities are over, I’ve been endeavouring to concentrate on the months ahead. Most of the ‘jobs’ related to the house move have now really been sorted and I’m conscious that it’s left something of a ‘void’. In the normal course of things (and especially given our new home location), I would almost certainly have been visiting the cinema (Watershed) on a weekly basis, but continuing Covid concerns have meant that I’m still reluctant to return to watching films at this stage. The RWA is currently closed for refurbishment, otherwise I feel sure I’d be there on a monthly basis at least. The Museum+Art Gallery is currently incorporating the Grayson Art Club (we’ve been once and will no doubt return a couple of times before the exhibition closes in September. I’ll continue to sketch most days – although doing so in the winter months is a little restrictive.  
We would normally have tried to book tickets for the theatre but, again, Covid concerns still make us both feel uncomfortable at present. Similarly, I would usually have booked concert tickets at St George’s, but still feel rather reluctant to do so at present.
I’m less involved or, frankly, interested in church matters these days (tending to avoid services at HTH… but also not really switched on to or enthusiastic about Saint Stephen’s services (I’m in something of a spiritual wilderness).
So, my only real ‘outside contacts’ these days are bookgroup, urban sketching and ‘Blokes’-related stuff.
We probably need to make arrangements to get people round to Deanery Road for coffee or lunch or supper over the coming months (Covid permitting)… Dave+Sarah, Janice+Nigel for instance.
I also need to continue arranging zooming sessions (especially with Alan).
I’m also very conscious that we’ll probably not see much of I+R unless we organise stuff (their weekends seem sacrosanct and so we probably need to ensure that we get together for chips(?) occasionally during the school holidays.

Thursday 21 October:

It’s been two months since I wrote my last reflection. It’s been a busy time settling into our new home (a constant matter of two steps forward and one back), but we’re gradually ‘getting there’. We’re constantly aware that we haven’t actually downsized enough to fit into number17! We probably still need to get rid of some books; we have far too many empty plastic boxes left over; the kitchen is too small (and not as well designed storage-wise; lots of framed pictures and not enough wallspace to hang them…
We’re about to have a few days away in Lancashire (2 days in Lytham, followed by 2 days with Alice+Dave in Buckshaw). It’ll obviously involve several train journeys and, given our recent experiences of high proportions of people on public transport NOT wearing face masks, it’s something that really concerns us. Yes, we’ve been double-vaccinated and boostered but, nevertheless, with weekly Covid cases and deaths beginning to rise again in quite high numbers, it makes both of us feel very uneasy (and vulnerable). In some ways, it would be easy to take the cautious option and cancel our plans, but (significantly) we haven’t seen our Lancashire grandchildren for TWO whole years and we haven’t had a holiday since our time in Skipton – again, just over two years ago. So, we’ll go… and just be as careful as possible. 

Thursday 21 October:

It’s been two months since I wrote my last reflection. It’s been a busy time settling into our new home (a constant matter of two steps forward and one back), but we’re gradually ‘getting there’. We’re constantly aware that we haven’t actually downsized enough to fit into number17! We probably still need to get rid of some books; we have far too many empty plastic boxes left over; the kitchen is too small (and not as well designed storage-wise; lots of framed pictures and not enough wallspace to hang them…
We’re about to have a few days away in Lancashire (2 days in Lytham, followed by 2 days with Alice+Dave in Buckshaw). It’ll obviously involve several train journeys and, given our recent experiences of high proportions of people on public transport NOT wearing face masks, it’s something that really concerns us. Yes, we’ve been double-vaccinated and boostered but, nevertheless, with weekly Covid cases and deaths beginning to rise again in quite high numbers, it makes both of us feel very uneasy (and vulnerable). In some ways, it would be easy to take the cautious option and cancel our plans, but (significantly) we haven’t seen our Lancashire grandchildren for TWO whole years and we haven’t had a holiday since our time in Skipton – again, just over two years ago. 
So, we’ll go… and just be as careful as possible.
Image: our new balcony home.

Monday 16 August:

It’s been more than 2 months since I last wrote a ‘reflection’…
Much has happened in that time… the house is sold; the apartment has been purchased (well, not quite until the completion, but…) and we move in just over a week’s time (next Tuesday 24^th – with packers in on Monday 23^rd). All the outstanding matters have either been dealt with or ‘deferred’. I’ve been back to Deanery Road while the electrician was there but, as far as our house is concerned, George has only visited once – and he put in an offer on the basis of his one and only visit (and has indicated that he’s been too busy to come round for a drink or check on stuff etc… which seems a little strange).
Hannah, Cormac, Roz, Simon, Claire and Geraint invited us to a mini street party last Saturday evening to say goodbye and to wish us well (which was very lovely of them).
We’ve managed to get rid of a whole stack of ‘stuff’ – including the dining table, four dining chairs, two throne chairs, well over 30 picture frames and a whole range of odds and ends. The pavement outside our house has been full with collect-for-free goods for the past few weeks. This week will see the last of our rubbish-to-the-tip-trips (‘everything must go’!).
The really scary thing is that there are absolutely ‘piles of stuff’ that we’re proposing to take with us – boxes and boxes of things (not to mention all the plants and pots Moira has earmarked for our balcony!!). Depressingly, I think the boxed stuff will all end up cluttering up the two bedrooms – I don’t think they’ll be much room for manoeuvring around the beds.
Ru and family were on holiday last week and so there’s a AWFUL lot of clearing for her to do this week to vacate her studio! I feel very sorry for her (and guilty too)… so much stuff and not enough space in her new studio at BV.
Image: a couple of photographs illustrating some of the stuff we’re supposed to be taking with us! 

Wednesday 9 June:

We’re still very much in limbo land. The building survey was duly produced (we haven’t seen its content) and our prospective buyer (George) is still very keen to progress matters. We’ve ended up reducing our sale price by £10K (which feels something of a relief, because I feared it might be a lot more!) and, understandably, there are still concerns about the Japanese Knotweed our neighbour’s garden. I’ve been pressing Solon Housing Association (owners of no.42) to provide details of all the work carried out since I first identified the problem in May 2019. What I wanted was: a treatment management plan detailing all the measures taken since May 2019 AND the on-going treatment programme AND sort of guarantee (and, if possible, confirmation that our property remains unaffected and/or that an indemnity can/will be issued to re-assure George’s mortgage company). In the event, all I’ve received to date from Solon is that their ‘specialist’ contractor had “indeed visited the property on 19/05 and proceeded with the first treatment”. I’ve subsequently tried to get more feedback from them but, thus far, nothing… and, frankly, this doesn’t surprise me at all. George has organised a specialist to carry out an inspection etc on Friday 11 June and so, hopefully, this will clarify things… one way or the other. Feeling very anxious about everything (although somewhat relieved that a ‘proper’ specialist has been asked to report back on the issue).
Image: blue petals+toenails… 

Saturday 22 May:

We’re currently living in ‘house-move limbo land’.
Things seem to be progressing well as far as our solicitor is concerned – although we’re still currently awaiting details from the vendors’ solicitor (outlining the various management charges and maintenance schedules etc). But the crucial element is the forthcoming building survey of number40 (due to be undertaken on Thursday 27^th). We’re only too aware of the key areas on the house that require expenditure… damp-proofing of basement loo/steps; kitchen extension insulation+heating; and roof insulation etc. But the list is pretty long and I have absolutely no doubt that the surveyor will have a field day in listing every defect of our 170+ year house! We’ve not tried to hide any of the defects AND we’ve undertaken an awful lot of improvements over the past 18 years… but we have an obvious fear that our ‘buyer’ will be frightened away (there may be mortgage implications too?). Moira and I both anticipated having to reduce the price of the house in the impending negotiating process following the survey. Moira sees this as a fairly modest price adjustment, whereas I see it as a potentially fairly hefty amount. I just hope that there’ll be an opportunity to negotiate sensibly with our prospective purchaser (either through Laurence or directly).
We ended up agreeing a price of £375K for Deanery Road (although things might crop up that mean we try to negotiate a slightly lower figure?). The good news is that the Deanery Road price is slightly less than the price we thought we might have to pay in order to find a suitable apartment (we’ve accepted an offer of £495K for number40). In our airy-fairy way, we’d aimed at securing a £75K price difference… and, as things stand, this price difference is currently some £120K. In order words, in theory (and on the basis of our back-of-an-envelope assessment), we might be able to allow a £45K reduction on number40 and still achieve our financial ‘objective’.
So, the next week feels hugely significant (and, frankly, incredibly stressful!).
I’m glad that Moira and I have each other to help keep our emotions in perspective… but it’s a critical and somewhat worrying phase.
Fingers crossed.
Image: old number40 logo… 

Saturday 15 May:

I’m posting this just a week after my last ‘reflection’ comments.
Yes, it’s still very early days in the process, but we’ve now had our offer for a two-bed apartment in Deanery Road (in the heart of the city centre – less than 100m from the cathedral and a two minute walk to the harbourside).
The diary of ‘events’ has been pretty incredible:
Friday 30 April: our house went on the market.
Thursday 6 May: we accepted an offer of £495K (the asking price) from a prospective buyer (he had £175K cash and needed a mortgage for the remainder; no chain).
Saturday 8 May: we viewed the Deanery Road apartment and put in offer later that afternoon for £365K (asking price £375K).
Monday 10 May: two other parties had put in offers for Deanery Road; we ended up increasing ours to the asking price (no chain involved).
Tuesday 11 May: our offer was duly accepted!
So, once again (with fingers firmly crossed – because we all know how easily these things fall down!), it seems that the Broadways have bought and sold their homes in ridiculously short time. I seem to recall us selling Percy Street within a matter of days (certainly less than a week); Windmill Road the same (the man who owned the High Street bakery bought it); Kings Road was sold quickly too… and we also managed to buy Mount Pleasant Terrace without fuss.
But, we’re left feeling as if we’re living in a world of uncertainty… plans all falling into place and yet which could collapse at any time. We’ll know more after the building survey on MPT on 27 May. Anxious times!
Image: Estate Agent’s photograph of Deanery Road (the decoration/lights/pictures probably put off most punters!). 

Friday 7 May:

We’re currently in a strange limbo land. The house went on the market a week ago (30 April). There have been perhaps five groups of viewers since then and , yesterday, we learnt that one of them (George Burgess) has put in an offer for the asking price (£495K), subject to full building survey. This obviously represents excellent news… (I’d convinced myself that no one would be interested in what is effectively a 2-bed house for that sort of price).
But I’m also very conscious that this represents just a small (albeit significant) step in the process… there are bound to be frustrations and irritations ahead… an emotional roller-coaster… preparing ourselves for inevitable bumps in the road.
I have absolutely no doubt that the building survey will reveal a long list of items requiring action (we’re only too aware of them ourselves – waterproofing/upgrading basement loo and ceiling; insulation/heating to kitchen plus a whole list of incidental things). We’ve not tried to hide the building’s deficiencies… and it’s therefore reflected in the price (even if we regard house prices as something akin to Monopoly money!).
By the same token, we’re also aware that we need to start the process of finding somewhere to move to. Although we have specific ‘search criteria’ (2-bed apartment within easy reach of harbourside and, ideally, Southville), our budget is limited… maybe £375K?
Will there be ‘chains’ involved? ‘George’ doesn’t have to sell a property and is able to move at a pace to suit us. What about the place(s) we ended up targeting?
We always knew this was going to be a time of continuing uncertainty… living with uncertainty is the one thing the pandemic has taught us!
I’m conscious that Moira and I will need to remain positive and smiling (and as relaxed as possible) during it all. It’s going to be difficult, but we’ve just got to be prepared to let things happen/go with the flow. I know it’s much easier to say these things than to actually implement them, but we just need to keep reminding ourselves that this is what we NEED to do!
Image: one of the Estate Agent’s photographs of our house details!

Wednesday 28 October:

Further reflections on Covid-19… One thing I’ve become increasingly aware of over recent days/weeks is a strange sense that we’re having to ‘tread water’ until the pandemic is either over or the vaccine becomes available… which effectively means (at least for us, having taken ‘decisions’ on a number of matters) no public transport; no cinema; no theatre; no bars; no restaurants; no cafés (unless the weather is kind and we can sit outside); no concerts; no rugby; trying to void all but the basic shopping; no church (for me); no gathering with friends (indoors); and no hugging. While we’re still meeting up with family (in small numbers and with social distancing), it’s not the quite same… and not meeting up with Iris and Rosa (for example) for bi-weekly after-school meals and the chance to chat and catch up effectively feels like we’re missing out on seeing them grow up. Missing out on a year of their lives (they’re only teenagers for a short time!) and, at the same time, us getting older (and time running out!?) feels like a double-whammy.
Meanwhile, it seems that all our local friends are going about their normal lives – going to restaurants, cafés, cinemas etc – and, with their cars, they have increased flexibility and scope for doing other things too. Meanwhile, I’m currently feeling less and less confident about driving ‘longish’ distances…
With the number of UK cases (and deaths) on a sharp increase, it feels as if a second national lockdown might become inevitable…but when? An immediate 2-3 week ‘firebreak’?  A full national lockdown immediately after Christmas/New Year?
Everything continues to be uncertain… planning ahead feels almost impossible. Jobs and the economy are struggling. Will schools remain open? Will ‘vulnerable oldies’ be instructed to self-isolate? People are already raising concerns about mental health issues…
There’s a strong sense that many people will disregard some of the ‘rules’ (why should I both sticking to the guidelines, when I have lots of friends who are ignoring them?)… and, anyway, the ‘rules’ represent government advice rather than a legally-binding ban. The police won’t be able to cope and the worse it gets, the more difficult it becomes to enforce.
It’s going to be a very long, hard Winter for an awful lot of people.
 
From the Independent 24 October:
Can I travel from tiers 1 and 2 to tier 3?
The government is advising against people travelling to a “Very High Alert”, or tier 3, area.  
“You should avoid travelling to any part of the country subject to very high local Covid alert levels,” it says on the website, plus you should “avoid staying overnight in a very high alert level area if you are resident elsewhere.”
It adds: “You must not stay with anyone you do not live with from a very high alert level area or visit their home.”
However, this is advice rather than a legally binding ban.
Can I travel from tier 3 to tiers 1 and 2?
The government is advising against nearly all travel for those in tier 3 areas.
“You should try to avoid travelling outside the very high alert level area you are in,” and “should avoid staying overnight in another part of the UK if you are resident in a very high alert level area,” reads the advice.  
But it does NOT say anything about what you should do if you DO travel from Tier3 to Tier1… should you go into quarantine/self-isolate for xx days? Well, no, it apparently says nothing at all - because you shouldn't have done it in the first place - but, hey, who cares about such minor details?!

Tuesday 27 October:

I’m aware that my thoughts and experiences relating to Covid are likely to change over the coming months (in my head, I’m just trying to focus on ‘getting through to March’ – on the basis that this represents a year of living in this ‘lockdown world’). So, here are some very brief, random thoughts as we approach the long dark winter days:
1. When M+I first self-isolated (18 March), the number of recorded cases that day was 676 (43 deaths). 20 April saw the highest number of daily deaths: 1,172 (compared with 23 October: 224). 21 October saw the highest number of new daily cases 26,678 (compared with 6 May: 6,111).
2. The number of weekly deaths has been steadily rising since the beginning of September (between 30-86% per week); the number of weekly deaths is currently the highest since the end of the first week in June (1,066 23 October).
3. The government were focussed on minimising the adverse effect on the economy. There’s a general perception/criticism that the government has been giving out ‘mixed messages’…“It’ll be over by Christmas” (17 July)(and if it wasn’t, it’ll all be ‘our’ fault); “Back to Business” (28 August); etc.  
4. Local lockdowns were introduced (eg. Leicester, Luton, Aberdeen at the end of July).
5. Despite government assertions to the contrary, Test+Trace measures condemned as ‘shambolic’ by health experts (9 September).
6. By the end of September, at least 45 UK universities had had confirmed cases of COVID-19 (and more than 865 cases have been identified among students and staff since universities reopened). The total number of people self-isolating has risen above 3,540.
7. By the end of September, more than 2,000 UK schools affected (with pupils/staff being sent home to self-isolate.
8. 12 October: government introduced 3-tier system of dealing with Covid; Labour had called for 2-3 week ‘firebreak’ as more effective option (transpired that government’s health experts ‘Sage’ had advised ‘firebreak’ 3 weeks earlier).
9. 23 October: Wales introduces 17-day ‘lockdown’.
10. This from the Guardian (27 October) seemed to sum up the thoughts of many: “Managing a second wave of Covid-19 in winter was always going to be a tougher proposition than imposing a blanket lockdown in March. There is mounting evidence of fatigue, confusion and resentment over localised restrictions. Frustration has been compounded by the sense that the government pays only lip service to the notion that ‘we are all in this together’”.

Saturday 17 October:

The number of coronavirus cases and deaths have sharply increased over the past month - in fact, the current daily number of cases (some 20,000) is getting on for THREE times higher than the HIGHEST daily figures from March-September (just let that sink in).
I really don’t envy ANY government in these challenging times but, thinking back to those early days back in March, when a virtual ‘lockdown’ was imposed on the entire country, people generally backed the restrictions and there was a strong sense of ‘unity in a time of crisis’. Since then, of course, the government has come under an enormous amount of criticism on a long list of matters: its slowness to react; the ill-judged/illegal actions of Dominique Cummings on his trip (or trips?) to Durham; the lack of appropriate equipment; the lack of an adequate regime for testing, tracing and isolating; issuing contracts to ‘friendly’ companies without competition; making up the rules on local lockdowns without consulting regional leaders and health authorities; universities and colleges (students/halls of residences/number of positive cases); all the mixed messages; and now ignoring the advice of its scientific advisors etc etc.
You might recall that the prime minister unveiled a plan in July to return England to “normality” by Christmas… and he also indicated that it might “be possible to move away from the social distancing measures” by November. Well, it doesn’t seem to have quite worked out like that… and, of course, Mr Johnson will claim that the reason it hasn’t is all down to US… nothing to do with him! Meanwhile, consensus has disintegrated and there’s distinct sense of “they’re making things up as they go along”… and opinion polls indicate that the public has lost confidence in the government.
Clearly, the coronavirus virus has cost the UK a HUGE amount of money over the past seven months but, for the life of me, I still can’t understand how we haven’t yet managed to come up with a reliable, speedy, efficient mass testing programme (and why aren’t people being checked for the virus on a regular basis?)?
PS: And, meanwhile, Mr Johnson is telling us we’re going to end up with a no-deal Brexit (and, of course, he’s blaming it all on the EU!).
Image: Chris Riddell’s cartoon from last Sunday’s ‘Observer’.

Wednesday 23 September:

Last night, just six months after first introducing ‘lockdown’ guidelines, Mr Johnson made another of his television appearances to confirm that new Covid-19 measures were being introduced (in England) as a result of the recent rapid growth in the number of cases. These restrictions included: limiting the size of indoor social gatherings to six; people should work from home if they can; bars, restaurants and pubs closing by 10pm; renewed ban on indoor team sports; and stricter rules on the wearing of face masks. The need for fresh action to contain the virus was underlined by official figures showing the daily number of new coronavirus cases across the UK had shot up to 4,926. This was the highest daily figure since May.
First Ministers in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland had introduced more onerous measures – indoor visits between households having now been banned.
Interesting to hear reaction of a leading scientist, Prof John Edmunds (head of the faculty of epidemiology and population health at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine): “Overall, I don’t think the measures have gone anywhere near far enough. In fact, I don’t even think the measures in Scotland have gone far enough”.
Edmunds said he feared that, for the second time, the government would end up clamping down too late. He explained: “I suspect we will see very stringent measures coming in place throughout the UK at some point, but it will be too late again. We will have let the epidemic double and double and double again until we do take those measures. And then we’ll have the worst of both worlds, because then to slow the epidemic and bring it back down again, all the way down to somewhere close to where it is now or where it was in the summer will mean putting the brakes on the epidemic for a very long time, very hard - which is what we had to do in March because we didn’t react quick enough in March, and so I think that we haven’t learned from our mistake back then and we’re unfortunately about to repeat it”.
 
I went to Bloke’s Prayer at the Society Café this morning and, due to rain, we ended up sitting inside. I have to say, I felt somewhat uncomfortable – everyone sat suitably social-distanced but I sensed that ‘some of us’ were more ’sensitive’ than others in this respect. I registered my unease and, very generously, they’ve agreed that we’ll have zoom ‘meetings’ for the foreseeable future – unless the weather forecast is wonderfully positive (in which case we’ll arrange to meet outside).
I’ve also decided that I’m similarly uneasy about the prospect of being one of the church ‘welcomers’ for a service at Saint Stephen’s on 11 October… AND, in fact, also about attending ‘live’ services full stop. As a result, I’ve emailed Maria, Lee et al and explained my unease and have withdrawn from the rota.
Image: Land adjacent the marina now virtually cleared for redevelopment? 

Monday 21 September:

Somewhat ridiculously, since Moira and I went into lockdown on 18 March, I’ve been keeping track of the daily coronavirus deaths. It obviously makes pretty depressing reading, but it’s also a reminder that at the start of April there were several days when the daily death toll exceeded 900. By the beginning of August, thankfully, these numbers had reduced hugely – often just to single figures. But, over the past few weeks, the number of daily coronavirus cases started to rise rapidly… and so, inevitably, have the number of deaths.
Depressingly, fears of a second-wave, as we approach the winter months, has been exacerbated by shortcomings in the government’s testing system.
Clearly, for the government (whose focus, perhaps, seems to have been more on protecting the economy than people?), with the prospect of a potential second-wave comes the increasing possibility of a national ‘lockdown’.
I think Moira and I dealt with the first lockdown well (and we’re clearly aware that, for us, compared with so many others, things have been relatively straightforward), but all the speculation about a possible second-wave or a series of ‘local lockdowns’ has made me focus on coming up with strategies for dealing with any winter lockdown.
I started making a random list (which was quite an amusing process!) and here are some of items I scribbled down:
CONCERNS:
a) Won’t be able to meet outside for picnics etc; need to come up with alternatives.
b) Health (being able to get out for walks etc).
c) Money for Ruth+co?
d) Organise stuff/visits/trips before lockdown?
ROUTINES:
a) Daily walks (individual and shared).
b) Plugging in daily routines.
c) Regular ‘contacts’ (zoom if necessary) with family.
d) Moira treats? (gin?).
e) Thinking up NEW routines.
PROJECTS:
a) Christmas cake or pudding?
b) Window poster (keep smiling etc).
c) Christmas ‘card’/letter.
d) Christmas presents (relevant for lockdown?).
e) Drawing projects (‘virtual’?).
f) Meals for R+S+I+R?
g) Another Blurb lockdown book?
h) Window Wanderland?
i) Books to read?
j) Books on particular artists or art styles?
k) 2020 Year Review.
l) Photography project?
ACTIONS:
a) Organise haircut.
b) Buy lots of candles.
c) New white shirt?
d) Sufficient TV/boxsets/Netflix?
BUT will I be organised and actually get things 'prepared'?

Monday 24 August

staying alert? staying confused? being responsible?
(note: I had originally intended this as a blogpost on my ‘public blog’ but, on reflection, have decided not to do so – I’m aware it’s a sensitive subject for many and I don’t want to upset people… even though I feel quite passionately about it! So, instead, I’m posting it here as one of my ‘lockdown reflections’):
Yesterday, I posed the following question:
Asking for friends (serious question)…
‘Shielding’ restrictions were relaxed by the government from 1 August which meant that ‘extremely vulnerable’ grandparents could at least see their loved ones again after being apart since mid-March. Our friends understand that the current measures now allow two households - of any size - to meet indoors on the condition they continue to observe social distancing, now reduced to one metre where necessary. Grandparents (not just the ‘extremely vulnerable’) who don't live in the same household as their children cannot, therefore, hug their grandchildren yet, as they must maintain social distancing rules. Simply put, if they don’t live in the same household they still cannot hug or touch their relatives while maintaining social distancing.
Could someone please clarify what the current ‘guidelines’ are please… because our friends just keep seeing pictures of family gatherings where no social distancing apparently applies? Very many thanks.
You’ll hardly be surprised to learn that the ‘friends’ in question were Moira and me!
I had a good number of very useful and helpful replies – from people who pointed out specific government advice; from people who were confused; and from people who were following their own common sense or who were adopting what they felt were responsible precautions.
In our particular situation, the government guidelines can be very briefly summarised as follows (yes, I know they go on for several pages!)(and they also apply to people younger than 70 and people who aren’t shielding!):

• We should only have close contact with people outside our household if we are in a support bubble with them.

• We should only meet people we do not live with in THREE types of groups:

a) We can continue to meet in any outdoor space in a group of up to 6 people from different households
b) Single adult households (ie. adults who live alone or with dependent children only) can continue to form an exclusive ‘support bubble’ with one other household
c) We can also meet in a group of two households, in any location (public or private, indoors or outdoors). This does not need to be the same household each time.

• Because we don’t live in a ‘single adult household’, we can’t form a ‘support bubble’ with any of our grandchildren’s households. We can’t hug them… or hug our own ‘children’ (our grandchildren are all old enough to understand the ‘rules’, but I absolutely acknowledge the difficulties for the under-5s!).

We need to maintain social distancing from people outside our household (ie. everyone else!).
At times, the government clearly hasn’t helped itself. There have been times when ministers have contradicted each other in their own interpretations of policy. As one of my friends observed: “Let’s all be honest, any sense of doctrinal adherence to rules as described on gov.uk is advisory at best since Cummings-gate. It shouldn’t be, but it is”.
I have a sense that some people feel that the ‘worst is over’; that we’re beginning to ‘come out on the other side’ (daily death rates have consistently been reducing over recent weeks, afterall); and that we can start relaxing the rules a little (on the other hand, the number of reported cases has escalated since the start of August). Certainly, from images I’ve seen on television, in newspapers and on social media, it appears that some people believe this to be true. There’s a sense of “we’re responsible people, we won’t take any real chances… but we do want our old lives back now”. The trouble is (but, hey, what do I know?!) that bending the rules is the start of a slippery slope… and, as we all know by now, the virus doesn’t play by ‘normal’ rules, so being ‘careful’ or ‘responsible’ isn’t really enough. It’s not like making a personal decision to say smoke 40 cigarettes a day and ‘blow the consequences’… because in such a case only you (and perhaps your family due to ‘secondhand smoke’).
The whole matter makes me both frustrated and angry (seeing other people ignoring social-distancing and hugging their families makes me feel hugely jealous… and annoyed!)… but I do appreciate that it’s a sensitive issue for many people/families. Our lovely friend Mags messaged me saying that she felt that everyone had to make up their own minds… and, yes, I understand that point of view, but that fundamentally misses the point in my view.
With schools about to return, it’s even more important that we all follow the guidelines. We all fear a second wave or a series of local ‘spikes’ and so, again, it’s vital in my view that we don’t ‘take chances’ or become blasé when it comes to taking or ignoring precautions.
And, of course, if things DO get bad this winter, there’ll be a massive ‘blame game’ – with old fogies like me blaming all those young people gathering in pubs or on Bournemouth beach; people who’ve been healthy throughout lockdown so “it couldn’t possibly be us who’re responsible”; and all those young people maintaining the virus doesn’t really affect them and it’s all down to everyone else etc etc etc.
Of course, if you HAVE been turning a blind to certain guidelines, then I suspect you’ll say it’s too late to adjust your ways… and the only thing that will make you change your mind is for there to be a second wave or a local ‘spike’… which, of course, is what we’re trying to avoid and why EVERYONE should be obeying the ‘rules’ in the first place.
Yes, we’ve all had to make sacrifices and, yes, not being able to hug your grandchildren… or your children… or your friends (for very nearly six months now, in our case) has been bloomin’ difficult. But PLEASE keep going; please keep to the guidelines; please don’t try to justify why YOU should be an exception to the rules, if that’s not really the case. We’re all in this together and if you start making up your own rules, then maybe I’ll do the same… and that might encourage a few others to break the rules too… and then where will we be?
Right, I’ll shut up now. Sorry.
Image: staying alert (yeh, right!)…

Sunday 5 July:

Emerging from Lockdown?

It’s the day after pubs, hairdressers, cafés, restaurants, hotels, cinemas and such like were allowed to re-open. Other ‘rules’ have also been relaxed, including:

·         People can meet in groups of up to two households in any location - public or private, indoors or outdoors (as long as social distancing is observed with others not in one’s household)(‘support bubbles’ count as one household).

·         When outside, people can continue to meet in groups of up to six people from different households, following social distancing guidelines.

·         People can stay overnight away from their home with their own household or support bubble, or with members of one other household.

·         It will be against the law to gather in groups larger than 30 people, except for a limited set of circumstances to be set out in law.

Some other important restrictions do, however, still remain in place. For example, people should NOT:

·         Gather indoors in groups of more than two households (this includes when dining out or going to the pub).

·         Gather outdoors in a group of more than six people from different households (gatherings larger than 6 should only take place if everyone is from just two households).

·         Interact socially with anyone outside the group people are attending a place with, even if you see other people you know (eg. in a restaurant).

·         Hold or attend celebrations (such as parties) where it is difficult to maintain social distancing.

·         Stay overnight away from your home with members of more than one other household.

·         Gatherings of more than 30 people will be prohibited, apart from some limited circumstances to be set out in law.

Understandably, people are keen to return back to ‘normal’ life. Some families are able to ‘get together’, thanks to the reduced restrictions; some groups are able to socialise more freely (much to the obvious relief of ‘young people’ in particular). The majority of the population are continuing to take a cautious approach to returning to ‘normality’ and many are indicating that they won’t be rushing back to frequenting pubs, restaurants, cinemas or taking public transport any time soon.

The underlying fear, of course, is that people become blase, fail to take the necessary precautions and a ‘second wave’ of the virus to return… and seeing photographs of crowds of drinkers in London’s Soho last night only underlines such fears.  

Of course, it’s lovely to see or hear about families and friends re-connecting again and for people to able to travel more widely… but it’s also highlighted things that Moira and I are currently UNABLE to do. We’ve been self-isolating for nearly 16 weeks – avoiding shops, public transport and other people(!), but (for our physical and mental health) we’ve been endeavouring to get out and walk every day; we’re also not allowed to form a ‘support bubble’ with other family members. I’ve been classified as a ‘clinically extremely vulnerable’ person and, as such, my ‘shielding’ obligations (and therefore Moira’s too) remain in place until the next stage of the government’s restrictions comes into play on 1 August. So, in theory, from that date we’ll be able to go to work (except that we’re both retired); go outside to buy food and to exercise (we’ll continue to take daily exercise but we’ve resolved to avoid to go shopping); and, if we do go out, we’ll need to follow strict social distancing (which would have done anyway).

For the foreseeable future at least, we’re unlikely visit restaurants, pubs, cinemas, theatres or cafés.

So, in reality, nothing will change for us.

Having said that, we’re incredibly fortunate to live where we do in Bristol (a 10 minute walk to the harbourside and a 30 minute walk to Ashton Court/Leigh Woods) but we’ve also had to accept that, having no car and relying on public transport (which we’re likely to avoid for the remainder of this year), we are very much restricted in our movements. Even though we are car club members (which we use only say 3-4 times a year), we feel somewhat loathe to use this facility (ie. sharing a vehicle used by others/needing to fill up with petrol at service stations etc) at least for the being. In the course of the next few weeks, our views might change, of course, and it’s just possible that, perhaps within the next two months(?), we’ll end up taking an occasional car club trip (to local destinations such as the grounds of a local National Trust property or for a walk on Berrow beach?).

So, while the rest of the world gets back to ‘normal’, Moira and I will be ‘hanging back’ (we’ll almost certainly continue to take the cautious approach).

Of course, the wonders of modern technology have been hugely important during ‘lockdown’… one wonders how on earth we’d have all coped without it. But, clearly, the thing that we’ve both missing most is the simple pleasure of hugging our lovely family! When we’ll be able to meet up normally with family and friends is anyone’s guess at this stage (and I suspect that, like with all the other measures, Moira and I will be among the ‘extremely vulnerable’ group that are required to delay such celebrations… which will, of course, be doubly hard.

Image: London drinkers in Soho last night… what social distancing?

Saturday 30 May:

From this weekend, the government has changed the ‘lockdown’ rules. Some schools will re-open on Monday; up to six people can meet up in parks/gardens etc (provided they maintain 2m social distancing); you can drive to other destinations (provided you can get home the same day) if you’re taking exercise (although use of public transport is to be avoided unless ‘essential’); non-essential shops will be re-opening from 15 June (although cafés, pubs, restaurants and hairdressers will remain closed).

The government has relaxed these rules despite the fact that some of its own scientific advisors have been warning about the risks of easing the rules too soon.

But, for the ‘vulnerable’ over-70s (like us), nothing changes… the old rules still apply.

Actually, Moira and I both feel that, even if restrictions are soon lifted for oldies such as us, it’s likely to be several months (perhaps, even well into next year?) before WE will be prepared to ease some of these conditions - for example, we certainly don’t envisage using public transport for the foreseeable future.

So, while the rest of the world slowly returns to some form of ‘old reality’, many of our own self-isolation restrictions will remain in place. In some ways this feels incredibly unfair – we have made particular social/environmental choices over recent years (eg. we have no car; we rely on public transport – buses and trains – to visit places outside Bristol), so there’s a sense that we're being punished for being conscientious citizens! Of course, it’s not quite like that… but while our family and friends jump in their cars and drive to the nearest beauty spots and beaches, we can’t do that. Yes, we’re members of a car club – but, given our ‘vulnerable’ status(!), should we risk using its cars in the present circumstances? The company says it’s trying to ensure that cars get regular, thorough cleaning - but there’s only so much they can do. For us, continued use of the car club, certainly in the short term, cannot be without its risks (and what about having to fill up with petrol?)… and so we’re unlikely to take chances.

Inevitably, there will be some, like me(!), who fear that many people will now stop taking notice of any government advice (don't get me started about Mr Cummings!). There's already a sense that many of the restrictions are being largely ignored by large numbers of the public (particularly 16-30 year-olds... and especially males it seems). 

Easing restrictions too soon and risking a second wave of infections would have devastating consequences. 

Random image: there are definitely far more planes in the sky this week!

Tuesday 5 May:

I’ve also actually ‘tried’ to write some prose (definitely not poetry!) - vaguely related to the current crisis, but I just don’t have the skills. It’s frustrating because ‘writing things down’ seems to be a very good part of the ‘healing process’. I came up with this in response to an email from Emily Gould (it was ‘bashed out’ quickly, so probably makes no sense!):

It all seemed to happen so quickly.

Suddenly, a pandemic engulfed us…

We hadn't been here before, so we were all at sea.
We were asked to ‘stay at home’ and change to a new way of living.
It was tough, but that's life... and sometimes death.
Some of us oldies even began to wonder...

Had we already hugged our loved ones for the very last time?  

Such sobering thoughts shake us to our souls.

Scary unknowns, stark possibilities... life's uncertainties.
And yes, we made lists of things we would do if we came through it.

We would hug all our families and friends.

We would meet up in cafés and bars, go to cinemas and galleries.

We would jump on to buses and trains.

We would walk along beaches.

We would arrange to have picnics and sketch out of doors.

We would huddle in queues.

We would never forget the simple pleasures of life.

When this is all over…

And yes, through it all, huge positives did emerge.

We learnt to live more simply.

We were humbled by the kindness shown by people.

We didn’t drive cars; there was no daily rush; the planet began to breathe again.

We could see clearly in more ways than one.

We rediscovered things that we thought we’d forgotten.

We learnt new things about each other.

We talked to loved ones ‘almost’ face-to-face and kept in touch.

We learnt how important friendships were.

And yes, we also learnt some huge lessons…

We must stop greed and profit taking over again.

We must limit the power of corporations.

We must have politicians who want to work for us, not themselves.

We must work towards having a more balanced media.

We must value the workers and reward them accordingly.

We must look after our beautiful world.

We must treat all people with kindness.

When this is all over…